Thursday, August 17, 2006

Candid Conversations with Capil

Category: Personal

Following is an intensely personal post and any resemblance to persons in real life may be coincidental. Readers not able to correlate with the ideas may please choose to ignore the post. Others may choose to browse through the mostly harmless contents.

The protagonist Capil is an imaginary character marked with immense wit, wry humour and an occasional characteristic baloney dialogue which you will love nevertheless.


Scene: Project party with the unit heads and drinks on the menu to go with.
(Question addressed to Capil from one of the unit heads as he is sitting next to him)
FG: What does RS do?
(Intended question is, I have heard lots about RS, what does he work on?
(RS is a manager of high repute in the organization)
Capil: RS does his own work!
(A splendid answer indeed after a couple of margaritas!)
Follow up: FG gulps down the rest of his drink and has an expression that tells he doesn’t know how to respond, but looks in admiration at Capil.

Scene: Capil leaving for work with a non-ironed shirt (trademark)
SM: Capil, your shirt is crumpled from behind, I guess it needs an ironing.
Capil: Cool hai, I am taking my car, it will get pressed by the time I reach office.
[I leave the rest (ironing the front side) to your wild imaginations]
Follow up: SM decides to buy a car and save on the efforts of daily ironing.


Scene: Hanging out with friends over casual talks. Topic of discussion being how do we know the extent of ones hanging belly.
Capil: See, if the Emp id tag hangs at an angle from the vertical reference, be sure that you have a protruding belly, else if hanging vertical you are on the safe side.
Even a structural engineer will have goosebumps hearing this and think of his incompetence in coming up with such ingenious ideas.
Follow up: Everyone tries to immediately straighten their tags as much as possible, taking a deep breath!


Scene: Capil driving home during twilight and rides a buffalo on his car bonnet, inspite of being a driver extraordinaire.
The next day:
Capil: Yesterday, during the night I could not see very well, though I was driving very slow a black coloured cow came in front of my vehicle and I couldn’t see the cow (since it was black) and drove right through.
Follow up: The cow thanks Capil for the warm gesture and moos away!
Such an animal lover he is, giving free rides to cows in the night. How noble.


Scene: At a party (in a much frequented restaurant) with AJ who is getting married shortly.
Capil: What will happen of you when you are married and are here. You will have a tuff time. What drink are you going to order then, cos he invariably brings your fav drink without ordering ;)?
(during normal times AJ orders alcoholic beverages)
AJ: When I get married and come over here I would order for two mango lassis.
Capil: He he, then the owner would ask “Kya aapki wife do do lassi piyengi”?
Follow up: AJ thinks it is a valid point and he has to come up with a different idea now!


Scene: Antakshari, letter “Ka”
Capil: Kajrare kajrare tere kaale kaale naina ...
Scene: Antakshari continues, letter “Ma”
Capil: Mera chain wain sab ujada ...
Follow up: Junta is inspired by the innovation and tries the same funda over other songs!


Orkut: Favourite cuisine.
Capil: Long drinks/cocktails/Whisky On the rocks

Orkut: Favourite tv shows.
Capil: Sansani, Vardaat, Kaal Kapaal mahakaal, Kahani Ghar ghar ki, Kussum, KSBKBT, Kumkum, Koi to hai, kora kagaz, Kavya-Anjali
(Capil has a great fascination for the letter K, though his name starts with C, doesn’t matter though, the phonetics are the same)
Follow up: the TRP ratings of the above has soared since Capil has published his likings!

Orkut: About Me
Capil: I m a good boy with bad habits and bitter taste
(Capil has put up the above caption in his matrimonial column, and the ladies are pouring in lrc, bowled over by his honesty)

Capil also has three look-alikes and the four hang out together most often. Not all of them are as smart as Capil though. On the frame below (a painting that shows how the Capil’s would have looked in real life). Capil, our hero, is at your extreme right, smiling as there is no tomorrow.

Readers are welcome to add to this imaginary script and pour in their ideas. And do remember that “Sab bakwaas hai”.

Watch out this space for more. Coming up sometime soon: Candid Conversations with Candya.

5 comments:

Aps said...

The front gets ironed when he takes a ride back on bike with someone. His car has many takers anyhow while back from office.

I thought you were posting photo of the kind he has on his orkut profile where he has posted a group photo. All good girls end up contacting Rohit instead :)

Suprabhat Mukherjee said...

yes, but at the cost of the rider :) You have got to feel the gunny bag on your behind to "appreciate" the pain.

Right, so now there is no way ladies can look for someone else. They have to select one of the four. My bet is on the left most, looks tall fair and handsome ;)

Anonymous said...

Capil is nowdays following Jeevansathi.com every minute. He giggles with joy when a gal accepts his profile and giggles with double joy when a girl rejects her.

Aps said...

Candid conversations with Candya never came man. I want to contribute comments there.

Suprabhat Mukherjee said...

Well Aps, the Candya episode as promised looks bleak to me. I am losing most of the memories ,,, it has been a while. You would have recollected most of the episodes on your recent trip. Perhaps you are the apt person to script a write on Candya and keep it in records :)