The righteous behavior of adult rational humans in a closed confinement, for a transitory period, is a topic of wide deliberation. I feel that the behavior is predominantly a manifestation of the traits of an individual. There are however some generic rules that, if followed, can make the commute a serene one, for all. I cannot say the same about harnessing the traits though. Here are the top ten I think must be practiced:
1. Stand facing the door
Rule: Unless you have Katrina standing next to you in a chiffon red and caressing her falls, you shall stand facing the door. No, you shall not peep into the facebook page of the girl next to you either. Please!
Rule: Do not stand obstructing or leaning on the floor buttons even if you thought it were your terrace.
Rule: Do not stand at the gate when there is space behind or at the side. You can only get out when the door opens. So step back and wipe that grim face of yours when someone boards a floor in the middle. Be accommodative and stop believing that the elevator is your personal chauffeured limousine.
2. Do not have meetings or personal talks in the 20 sec commute
“You know, my MIL offered me breakfast today on the table. I am like … OMG! What is the matter today? Is she eying my new necklace? Crazy na? “ “You got the deal? 7M? Brilliant man! When is the party?” Let’s keep these to within closed doors and not within elevator doors. Others in the elevator are as interested in knowing what Uma Bharti had for breakfast today as listening to your personal blather.
Rule: Remain silent even if you met your long lost love after 19 years in the elevator.
Rule: If you MUST talk in those 20 sec, refrain from these please - Politics, Religion, Offence, the proverbial Sales pitch, Personal talks, Shakti Kapoor’s wardrobe and Jokes, which even if you think are insanely hilarious making fellow passengers collapse on the floor laughing.
Rule: If you are in a group and entering the elevator, please discontinue having your conversation inside and give others a chance not to be amused and not to pretend that they are not listening when they actually are.
Rule: All the above does not mean you stand stiff and tense. Relax, but pretend to be an island.
3. Give personal space
You shall not touch the sleeve of the man or the fragrance of the woman next to you. Unless you had a heart attack and falling, you shall not fall upon anyone. Stand apart. And no, no gyrating moves before your floor arrives. Stand apart and stand still.
Rule: Two people - Two sides of the cabin and facing door.
Rule: Four people - Four corners of the cabin and facing door
Rule: Ten people – Don’t enter!
Rule: If you have a backpack, do not let it fall all over the person behind you. Pull it down between your legs. If you are alone, you may play basketball with the bag, it is your choice.
Rule: You shall not tap the back of the person standing in your front if you want to get down at a floor. Politely say excuse me. Keep your personal touches reserved for your close ones.
Rule: Bad breath is just as bad as the loud perfume you wear. So please refrain.
Rule: You shall try not to squeeze into a full elevator imagining yourself to be your slimmer version 10 years ago, even if it were the last ride to the heaven.
Rule: Smile at others, but do not stare.
4. Please push the button yourself, unless…
The other day a fellow passenger boarded and stepped at the back. I was the only animate in the elevator. He said “Fan”. I thought - Yeah! It is up there concealed in the ceiling! Unless you have to climb the back of the fellow passengers to reach the buttons, you shall reach it yourself. And if not, have the courtesy to say “Can you switch on the fan for me please”. And I shall say “Sure”. But in all circumstances, be willing to succumb your ego and press the requested button.
5. Do not style and groom looking at the mirror
You may be the next Johnny Depp in the making, but please keep your styling to your dressing room. And yes, no adjusting those pants as yet! Leave it to the restroom. Even if you have the long tresses of Denise Richards or thought you deserve the hair kit of Celena Gomez, please refrain from regulating those.
6. Telephone etiquette
Rule: You shall not scream at the top of your decibels if you MUST take a call inside. Politely ask the caller to hold till you are out.
Rule: If you have a caller tune that reads – ‘dhinka chika dhinka chika’ or the more homely ‘angana mein baba dware pe maan’, please keep it in silent mode. You do not want your fellow passengers to start dancing to the tunes.
7. Rules of Boarding
You shall stand in a queue
You shall allow people to walk out before boarding
You shall not hog the front row after boarding unless you are the last one to board
8. Hold your drinks and eats
Do not sip on your beverage in hand or bite the Sandwich. Let it rest till you exit, will you? And please understand that the crunch of the apple bite, the sip of the coffee, the bite of that burger or the smell of the incredibly appetizing Samosa is not appealing. It is appalling.
9. Caution while holding the door for someone
If the cabin is full and even if you see Bo Derek emerge from the waters and rushing to the elevator running, you shall not keep the others waiting. Your chivalry may well be practiced at a more opportune time and place.
10. Take the steps instead!
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